Damn, what a disappointing movie.
I was looking forward to seeing "The Musketeer." The trailer looked awesome, it had a unique concept (I'm referring to the choreography of the swordfighting scenes), and it was directed by Peter Hyams, who used to make really good movies, and I was hoping he was starting to make them again. Unfortunately, Peter Hyams is NOT back to making good movies.
"The Musketeer" is yet another feature film version of "The Three Musketeers" by Alexandre Dumas. But no, it's not a remake. Of course not, Hollywood doesn't do remakes anymore, they're way too creative for that! Now they do "re-imaginings." Ugh. Whatever. ORIGINALITY PLEASE!!!!
This is damn near a kids movie. Yeah, there's a lotta swordplay, but there's almost no blood. There's no bad language, no nudity, and the "violence" is almost cartoony. I have no idea why this movie was rated PG-13, because it's a very PG movie. In fact, I think this is a movie that would make more money if it was promoted as a kids movie because I think kids are the one who are more likely to enjoy it. Everything in this movie seems to be intended for children, especially the jokes.
Justin Chambers stars as "D'Artagnan," the musketeer who is the one mainly focused on. He was in "The Wedding Planner" and several other movies I've never seen, and I don't know why he was in this movie. He wasn't bad, but he definitely doesn't have what it takes to be a leading man. Not now, anyway. Also, he's so damn caucasian that it's distracting. He has no accent, and he just doesn't belong. He was horribly miscast. Another bad casting job was Mena Suvari (from "American Beauty" and "American Pie") as his love interest. She didn't belong either. I'm not sure what I think of her as an actress. Sometimes, like in "Loser" and "American Pie," she's good, but other times, like in "American Beauty," she's too over-the-top. She was good in this movie, but like Justin Chambers, she seems totally outta place. Respected actress Catherine Deneuve plays the Queen of France, and she's good. Stephen Rea (from "The Crying Game") is good, too, but the standout, once again, is Tim Roth. The man is unbelievable. Like in another "re-imagined" film, "Planet of the Apes," he stood out like a sore thumb... in a good way. He's an awesome actor, and he plays an excellent villain.
The script was written by Gene Quintano, and based on his track record, it should come as no surprise that I didn't like this movie. He wrote the horrible 3D movie, "Comin' At Ya!", anyone remember that one? I do. I actually remember seeing it in the theater with my grandmother. What an awful movie. Quintano also wrote the third and fourth "Police Academy" movies, as well as the terrible Jean-Claude Van Damme flick, "Sudden Death." Oh yeah, he directed and helped write "National Lampoon's Loaded Weapon 1." Al of those movies suck! The director was Peter Hyams, and he has directed well-respected movies in the past, such as "Outland," "Capricorn One," "The Star Chamber," "2010," and "Running Scared." But sadly, his more recent movies have sucked, such as "Stay Tuned," "Timecop," "Sudden Death," The Relic," and "End of Days." Two Jean-Claude Van Damme movies in a row, that doesn't help. I think he's a good director (he also serves as cinematographer in most of his movies), but it's been years since he worked with a good script. I notice that a lot of his good movies are ones where he also did the writing. Maybe he should get back to that.
The only thing that saves this movie (aside from Tim Roth) is the amazing swordfighting scenes. Wow, they're incredible! All the credit for that must go to Xin Xin Xiong who did all the action choreography (he was also Tim Roth's stunt double in this movie). He did a lotta acting in Hong Kong kung-fu flicks, but despite what the promos say, most of his action choreography/action directing was in American movies, like "Simon Sez" and "Double Team" (Dennis Rodman movies?!?). He was the action director in only one Hong Kong movie, which was called "The Blacksheep Affair" (I never saw it, but I heard good things). Xin Xin Xiong saves this movie from being a TOTAL waste of time.
"The Musketeer" sucks. Really, it does. It has phenomenal swordfighting, and those scenes are definitely worth watching, but all that crap in between is horrible. If I were you, I'd wait for the DVD, rent it, and fast forward to all the swordfighting. Actually, watch the Tim Roth scenes. Those are pretty cool, too.
Scale of 1-10: 5