I can honestly
say that in all my years of going to the movies, I've never seen a movie
with a more obnoxious crowd than when I went to go see "Hollow Man."
It was at the Muvico Paradise theater, the 11:25PM showing. Although I'd
been to that movie theater numerously, prior to seeing "Hollow Man,
I'd only seen one movie at night there. That movie was, ironically enough,
another movie with the word "Hollow" in the title, "Sleepy
Hollow." The crowd was pretty well-behaved for "Sleepy Hollow,"
but for "Hollow Man," it was as though the most childish, immature
morons in South Florida decided to pile into the same theater at the same
time as me. Also, the place was packed! Despite arriving about 15 minutes
early, the only place where two people could sit together was in the very
first row. Great.
As the movie started playing, the asshole guys in the row behind us were
acting like immature morons, trying to impress the girls they were with
by loudly cracking jokes, talking back to the scream, and howling during
nude scenes. At one point, one of the girls in the group had an entire
conversation on her cellular phone. I was so pissed. What happened to
the good old days when there were ushers who would remove people like
that from the movie theater? Ugh, this experience was yet another reminder
of why I go to the movies during the day.
I really hate
these stupid, pathetic, moronic, immature, inconsiderate, childish assholes.
Kill 'em all, I say!!
I wish I could say that despite having to deal with those idiots, I thought
"Hollow Man" was a great movie, but I can't say that. "Hollow
Man" sucked. It sucked ass. The special effects were really, really
cool, though.
I really like the concept for "Hollow Man," and they coulda made
a fantastic movie if they went the right direction. The invisible man thing
has been done before, sure, but as far as I know, they've never done an
invisible man movie where they explore the dark side of it, ya know? How
an evil person would take advantage of such a power. Nope, didn't happen.
Or at least, not as deeply as it COULD have been explored. Why? Because
the script was mostly written by Andrew Marlowe, the same guy who wrote
"Air Force One" (an okay movie, but horrible dialogue, especially
when Harrison Ford says "Get off my plane!!") and "End
of Days," which just plain sucked. Who is Andrew Marlowe, and why
does he keep getting work? All he does is write formulaic movies with some
of the worst dialogue in cinematic history. No exaggeration, some of the
dialogue in "Hollow Man" is so bad, it's like something you'd
find in an Ed Wood movie! Andrew Marlowe wrote it with Gary Scott Thompson.
I never saw anything Thompson wrote, but it includes the straight-to-video
sequel, "K-911" and the Rutger Hauer film, "Split Second." I don't
care how bad he is, he can't be as bad as Andrew Marlowe. Look, I almost
never rip into people when I write my reviews. For the most part, everyone
in Hollywood has talent and they all bust their asses to get where they
are, and perhaps that includes Andrew Marlowe, but I haven't seen any evidence
of that yet. For now, I consider him one of the worst - no, too harsh -
my least favorite writer in Hollywood. Hell, I prefer Dean Devlin over him!
I'm not an evil person, though. I hope one day he proves me wrong and writes
a masterpiece.
The cast is almost insignificant when there are so many special effects,
but they were very good. The main three are Kevin Bacon (though you see
very little of him), Elisabeth Shue, and Josh Brolin. They did fine, considering
the material. The real star of the movie is the special effects, though.
Actually, lotsa credit needs to be given to Kevin Bacon for being such a
good sport. He musta had a rough time making this movie.
Believe it or not, the special effects are cool enough to where this is
a pretty fun movie to watch, but the story is just awful, and the dialogue
is so bad, I laughed out loud a few times at lines that were supposed to
be serious. I wish someone like Andrew Kevin Walker wrote this movie (the
guy who wrote "Seven," "8mm,"
and "Sleepy Hollow"), 'cause he woulda been perfect, I think.
Instead, it's Andrew Marlowe. Whatever.