I need to preface this review by saying that despite the title of the movie and the timing of it's release, "The Dangerous Lives of Altar Boys" has nothing to do with the current scandal about Catholic priests. In fact, you only see one priest during the whole movie, and he seems like a pretty cool guy.
I never heard of this movie until around a month ago when my buddy AJ told me that it was one of the movies he was most looking forward to this summer. I never heard of it, and he told me about it, and suddenly, I really wanted to see it, too. "The Dangerous Lives of Altar Boys" has to do with kids in a Catholic school in 1974, and a small group of them are comic book geeks who are working on a comic book together (with charming character names like "Captain Asskicker" and "Major Screw"). The main kid who works on the comic book uses it as his means of escape from the world around him, and they show this by including several animated sequences. That was enough to get me interested, but then AJ told me that comic book artist Todd McFarlane was involved in the animated sequences. Wow, that was big. It was then that I realized that I HAD to see the movie.
For those of you who don't know, Todd McFarlane pretty much revolutionized comic book art. His style of art is the most imitated style in the modern world of comic books. He caused the boom in "Spider-Man" comics in the late 80s and early 90s, and he created the "Spawn" comic books. The guy is a living comic book legend. So yeah, I wanted to see the movie. Especially the animated sequences.
I wish I could tell you that I was blown away by this movie. I wish could say that it was brilliant, that the animation was unbelievable, and the story was awesome. But I can't. I'm sorry, but if I were to do that, I'd be lying. It has moments of brilliance, and I can see great potential, but generally speaking, "The Dangerous Lives of Altar Boys" was a disappointment.
To put it mildly, this movie is very uneven. It goes back and forth between drama and comedy, and that often works. Here, it doesn't. There is a moment where a girl reveals a secret, and it's a very big, very dark secret. Though I appreciate a movie with dark elements, the secret seemed too dark for this movie, to the point where it didn't seem appropriate. Later in the movie, she delves a little deeper into her secret, and it's weird. I dunno, it didn't seem right. Please understand, I like movies with dark, twisted subject matter. I love the movie "Happiness," and anyone who's seen it can attest to the fact that it's hard to find any movie out there that's darker or more twisted. The things revealed in that movie are much worse than the secret the girl says in "The Dangerous Lives of Altar Boys." Also, there's this storyline involving a cougar that's completely moronic. It's silly to the point that when a big thing happens at the end of the film that ties in with it, it's not as emotional as it's supposed to be.
For the most part, I like the cast of this movie, though there are a couple of weak links. Emile Hirsch, whose prior work I'm not familiar with, plays the main character of the movie, and he's not ready to carry his own film. Maybe sometime in the future, but certainly not now. His acting wasn't bad, though. In fact, during certain emotional scenes, his acting was very good, but he doesn't have the "it" quality to carry his own film yet. I stress "yet," because I think he will soon. Jena Malone is someone I've seen in a lot of movies (most recently in "Life as a House" and in the great movie, "Donnie Darko"), and I'm still not sure how I feel about her. I can see why people like her, but I can't seem to connect with any of the characters she plays. She's a very good actress, but when it comes to the characters she plays, they don't seem real to me. Does that make any sense? On the other hand, I really liked the acting by Kieran Culkin. He plays the asshole best friend, and he nails it. I like his acting a lot. He played Rachael Leigh Cook's brother in "She's All That" (the movie was lame, but he was very good) and he was one of the stars of a great (though kinda corny) movie called "The Mighty," which was based on the excellent children's book, "Freak the Mighty," by Rodman Philbrick. Kieran Culkin impressed me yet again. Then there's Jodie Foster (who recently kicked ass in "Panic Room") in a small role as "Sister Assumpta." Jodie Foster is simply one of the best actresses in the world, so I don't need to tell you how good she was in this movie. Vincent D'Onofrio plays "Father Casey," and he's great. I like D'Onofrio a lot. Currently, he stars in the TV show "Law & Order: Criminal Intent" as "Detective Robert Goren." You've probably seen him before, though he plays weird characters. He was the twisted serial killer in "The Cell," he played "Orson Welles" in "Ed Wood," and he was unforgettable in "Full Metal Jacket" as "Private 'Gomer' Pyle." He was equally unforgettable in "Adventures in Babysitting" as "Dawson," the "Thor" look-alike. He also starred in a pretty strange movie opposite Marisa Tomei called "Happy Accidents." Vincent D'Onofrio kicks ass.
I should point out that Jodie Foster and Jena Malone were in a movie together before, which may be why Jena Malone is in this movie, a movie produced by Jodie Foster. Jodie Foster starred in "Contact," an awesome movie, and Jena Malone played the young version of her character. I have a feeling that a lot of you knew that already, though.
"The Dangerous Lives of Altar Boys" was directed by Peter Care. The only thing I know about him is that he directed videos for R.E.M. and Depeche Mode. He did a decent job directing the movie, I think the biggest problem was the script, which was written by Jeff Stockwell (his debut) and Michael Petroni (who helped write "The Queen of the Damned"). It was too uneven, and I don't think it did a very good job of adapting the source material. It was based on the novel by Chris Fuhrman (sadly, he was barely in his 30s when he died of cancer in 1991 ... he died while completing this, his only novel, and he never saw its publication). After reading a couple of reviews of the book on amazon.com, it's obvious that a lot was left out. Stuff that would seem to be really important. I'm gonna probably buy the book, and I'm sure it'll be much better than the movie.
Todd McFarlane and his buddy Terry Fitzgerald were the animation producers, and I expected much more. I didn't expect every frame to be as awesome as Todd McFarlane's art, but I wanted something better than what looked like the usual Saturday morning stuff. I may have set my expectations too high, I'll admit that.
This review is fairly negative, but I will say that there are a lotta good things in this movie. A lot of it isn't, though, and I think it mostly has to do with adapting the book into a movie. It was a valiant effort, though, and I appreciate that a movie of this type was even made.
Scale of 1-10: 6