Every year that I've had this web site, I've written a commentary for the Academy Awards. This time, I'm gonna do it differently. Rather than watch it and then write about it a week or two later, I'm gonna write the commentary while I watch it (credit goes to Harry Knowles of the Ain't It Cool News web site for giving me the idea). The first couple of paragraphs are being written before the show, and they'll work as the introduction. Then when the show starts, I'll write as I watch, writing a play-by-play of sorts. Then I'll go over what I wrote, correcting mistakes, adding stuff, deleting stuff, and making it more reader-friendly. Then I'll write a conclusion describing my general feelings of how the show went.
This is the first time in a while that none of the Best Picture nominees grossed over $100 million (though "The Aviator" is almost there, and may break $100 million after it ends its theatrical run in a few weeks... how well it does during the Oscars may actually determine that). Since relatively few people saw the movies nominated, many believe that this will translate to low ratings for the Oscar telecast. It remains to be seen whether or not that's true, but making Chris Rock the host is likely to attract more people who would otherwise not watch it than turn away viewers who otherwise would. I'm a big fan of Chris Rock's comedy, so I may be biased, but I think that his selection as host will bring in a lot of viewers, even if it's just 'cause those people wanna see what the controversy is about. Yes, there's been a lot of supposed controversy over the last couple of weeks because of things he said, but what he said is typical of his comedy, and I think it's all a non-issue.
As a host, Steve Martin was good, and so was Whoopi Goldberg. Billy Crystal was great, but Chris Rock might prove to be the best of all. Or he could prove to be the worst. He hosted the MTV Video Music Awards twice, and he was great both times, but this isn't MTV, and the Hollywood elite isn't likely to take the abuse that Rock dished out to the rappers and teeny-boppers who dominate TRL. It should be interesting to see what happens.
Okay, it's now 8:30PM EST, and the 77th Annual Academy Awards are about to begin. Let's get down to business.
It starts off with one of those nifty montages of movie clips. These things, when done well, can be very cool. This one is okay, I suppose. As much as I like Eminem's song "Lose Yourself," it doesn't seem like the right song for this montage. The narrator sounds like Dustin Hoffman. Yeah, I'm sure it's him.
CHRIS ROCK!!! I tellya, Chris Rock cracks me up. Uh oh, he just started and already he said "asses." Go Chris! He's already making fun of some of the celebrities; Nicole Kidman, Cuba Gooding Jr., Tobey Maguire, Jude Law... I just saw Natalie Portman!!! Damn, she's so yummy. Chris Rock just said that Michael Moore should have directed "Super Size Me," since he's clearly done plenty of research. Heh, that was funny. And it being Oscar night, there's the obligatory attack on George W. Bush, and the celebrities in the audience laugh. I wonder if they know about Chris Rock's other political views, which are less liberal.
Okay, monologue over, and he was pretty good. If he was allowed to say what he REALLY wanted to say, he woulda been a lot funnier, though. He presents Halle Berry by saying that everyone is eagerly awaiting "Catwoman 2." She's got a good sense of humor, though. Earlier today, she won a Razzie (the anti-Oscars.. awards for Worst Movie, Worst Actor, Worst Actress, etc.) for her performance in "Catwoman," and she was actually there to accept the award. Very few people ever actually show to accept those awards, but she did. Halle Berry is a good sport. And she's hot. She's there to present the award for Best Art Direction, and all the nominees are there on the stage. It looks weird to me.
THE NOMINEES FOR BEST ART DIRECTION ARE...
And the winner is... "The Aviator"!!!
I feel bad 'cause I don't know the names of the nominees in this category or even the winners. Oh well. Anyway, I guess the art direction in "The Aviator" was cool, but I think "Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events" or "The Phantom of the Opera" shoulda won it. Here comes the speech. The guy and the girl who won keep it really short and sweet. Good thing, 'cause the sad truth is that no one gives a shit about what they have to say.
THE NOMINEES FOR BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR ARE...
And the winner is... Morgan Freeman for "Million Dollar Baby"!!!
I'da been cool with Clive Owen winning, 'cause I really liked his performance, but really, it's about time Morgan Freeman got his Oscar. He's been due for a while. If there was ever a man on this planet deserving of an Oscar, it's Morgan Freeman. Even if not for this film, then for his amazing body of work. Morgan Freeman is one of our greatest living actors.
Okay, here's Robin Williams. He was gonna sing a comedic song making fun of the controversy over the sexual orientation of "SpongeBob SquarePants." The song was written by Marc Shaiman (who wrote a lotta the songs in "South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut"), and I'm sure it woulda been hilarious, but ABC rejected the song. Too controversial, they said. Idiots. Robin Williams is still being pretty funny, though.
THE NOMINEES FOR BEST ANIMATED FILM ARE...
And the winner is... "The Incredibles"!!!
Great movie. I haven't seen "Shark Tale" yet, so I can't really say if it's better, but I really liked "The Incredibles." "Shrek 2" was great, and it made more money, but "The Incredibles" seemed to appeal to critics more.
Cate Blanchett is on the floor (as opposed to the stage) to give the Oscar for Best Makeup. That seems demeaning, as if making it clear to the people nominated in those categories that they're not worthy of having their Oscars presented on the stage. I don't like that.
THE NOMINEES FOR BEST MAKEUP ARE...
And the winner is... "Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events"!!!
There's a microphone stand on the floor for them to give their speech through. Why can't they just let them take the walk to the stage? Then again, I guess it DOES save time. Yep, the music plays and the speech is forcibly over. So rude.
Now we get a performance of the Best Song nominee, "Look To Your Path (Vois Sur Ton Chemin)" from "The Chorus." It's being sung by Beyonce. She's gonna be busy tonight, I heard she's singing three songs, though I have no idea why. Traditionally, the songs nominated for Best Song in a Film tend to suck. It's always lame boring crap, Eminem's "Lose Yourself" being the recent exception. Last year's songs were awful, that I remember vividly. This year, the songs aren't a whole lot better. I woulda loved it if the song "Let Go" from Frou Frou (from the movie "Garden State") was nominated. Okay, Beyonce's song (which she sang in French) is over. It was okay, I suppose.
Chris Rock is doing man on the street interviews at a Magic Johnson Theater in L.A. to see what kind of movies regular folks (mostly African-American) like, as opposed to the movies that got Oscar nominations. This is pretty funny stuff. Hey, what's Albert Brooks doing there? And there's Martin Lawrence. Pretty funny, I liked that little vignette.
Scarlett Johansson hosted the Science & Technical Awards? Why?
Pierce Brosnan is introduced with "James Bond" music. He won't be doing any more "James Bond" movies, so maybe that's not the best choice. Ah, that funky "Edith Head" character from "The Incredibles" is there with him to present the Oscar for Best Costume Design, cool! Whenever they combine an animated character with someone during an awards show, it's usually lame and awkward, but it's working well here.
THE NOMINEES FOR BEST COSTUME DESIGN ARE...
And the winner is... "The Aviator"!!!
I dunno, this award isn't one I can really judge well. "The Aviator" did have cool costumes, though.
DAMN! Chris Rock just said that Tim Robbins' political talk is boring! I personally think that Chris Rock is being really funny tonight, but his cracks against respected celebrities will probably ensure that this is the last time he hosts the show. Too bad.
THE NOMINEES FOR SUPPORTING ACTRESS ARE...
And the winner is... Cate Blanchett for "The Aviator"!!!
Wow, surprise, surprise! I didn't think she'd win, though I thought her performance was astonishing. She's a great actress, and it's good to see her win an Oscar. I wish Natalie Portman won, but she's very young, and her day will come. Besides, Cate Blanchett is a great actress, so it's not like the award went to someone who shouldn't have won it.
Okay, a retrospective of Johnny Carson as Oscar host. I never saw him host the Oscars, but these clips make it obvious that he was damn good at it. The guy was truly a legend.
Hey, it's Leonardo DiCaprio! Okay, do we really have to degrade documentaries by saying that they inspired reality TV? Again, all the nominees are gathered on the stage. I dunno, that irks me. I haven't seen any of the movies nominated, so I dunno who deserves to win.
THE NOMINEES FOR BEST DOCUMENTARY FEATURE ARE...
And the winner is... "Born Into Brothels"!!!
I heard that this is an amazing movie, though extremely depressing.
Hmmm... Normally, the two documentary Oscars are given one after the other, but Kirsten Dunst and Orlando Bloom are on the stage presenting the Oscar for Best Film Editing rather than Best Documentary Short Subject. Interesting. It looks like they're shuffling the order of the awards a bit.
THE NOMINEES FOR BEST FILM EDITING ARE...
And the winner is... "The Aviator"!!!
Wow, "The Aviator" is cleaning up! With the exception of Best Supporting Actor, it's won everything it's been nominated for so far.
Heh, Mike Myers said "farts." And here we get Counting Crows performing the song "Accidentally In Love" from "Shrek 2", another one of the songs nominated for Best Song in a Film. This one is probably the only nominee that isn't terminally boring. I'm not crazy about the song or anything, but at least it's not horrible.
Adam Sandler and Catherine Zeta-Jones are presenting together. Strange combination. Okay, where's Catherine Zeta-Jones? Oh wait, here's Chris Rock. He's gonna read Catherine Zeta Jones' lines off the teleprompter. Obviously, this whole thing was staged, but it was still pretty funny. Wow, already they're going to the award for Best Adapted Screenplay? They really ARE shuffling things around!
THE NOMINEES FOR BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY ARE...
And the winner is... Alexander Payne and Jim Taylor for "Sideways"!!!
I dunno, this movie was overrated to me. I just can't see what the big deal is. The speech from Alexander Payne and Jim Taylor is pretty cool, though, and I liked that Payne thanked Fox Searchlight for giving him total creative freedom. There should be more of that in Hollywood!
Jake Gyllenhaal and Zhang Ziyi presenting Best Visual Effects. I dig her, she's hot.
THE NOMINEES FOR BEST VISUAL EFFECTS ARE...
And the winner is... "Spider-Man 2"!!!
Yay, a comic book movie won!!!
Okay, the President of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences, Frank Pierson, is gonna make a boring speech. Make it quick! Well, okay, it's cool to thank the troops. Oh, I was wrong, he's introducing Al Pacino who's gonna then present an honorary Oscar (it's really a "We're Sorry That You Never Won" Oscar) to director Sydney Lumet. I actually have a book he wrote about making movies, and it's titled, you guessed it, "Making Movies." Good book.
They just cut to Johnny Depp and he looks weird... but I mean that in a good way. Johnny Depp kicks ass, especially when he's in a movie directed by Tim Burton.
Here's the montage of Sydney Lumet films... I've only seen a few of his movies, but seeing the montage, it looks like I should try to see a lot more. Vin Diesel, with hair, is in an upcoming Sydney Lumet movie?!?! Weird. Could be interesting, though.
Standing ovation for Sydney Lumet. And a hell of a speech. That was nice.
Ooooh, Emmy Rossum. She's the cutie from "The Phantom of the Opera." She's presenting another one of the songs nominated tonight, "Learn To Be Lonely" from her film, "The Phantom of the Opera." Andrew Lloyd Webber himself is on piano as Beyonce sings... again. Another song nominated, another song I'm not crazy about. I don't remember who sang it in the movie, but if Emmy Rossum is there, wouldn't it make more sense to have her sing it? Why is Beyonce singing three times tonight anyway? Don't get me wrong, Beyonce has an amazing voice, and she's hot and all that, but why her? Okay, song's over, and I didn't like it, but she did do a hell of a job.
Chris Rock with a steroids joke. Heh. And he introduces "comedy superstar" Jeremy Irons. That was funny. Was that a gunshot I just heard? Jeremy Irons quips, "I hope they missed." Maybe Jeremy Irons really IS a comedy superstar!
THE NOMINEES FOR BEST LIVE-ACTION SHORT FILM ARE...
And the winner is... "Wasp"!!!
I don't know any of the nominees, I didn't see any of the nominated films. Congrats to the winners, though. A woman just said "the dog's bollocks" in her speech. What the hell does that mean?
And here's Laura Linney. She seems very classy to me. Not ridiculously beautiful, but pretty and poised. Great actress, too.
THE NOMINEES FOR BEST ANIMATED SHORT FILM ARE...
And the winner is... "Ryan"!!!
Again, I didn't see any of the nominated films, so I dunno. I notice that all these speeches, the ones given by those on the floor rather than the stage, have been fairly short, so maybe the trick is working. I guess it's something I should get used to.
Ah, Kate Winslet. Great actress, and I love her accent. She was so good in "Finding Neverland," and I liked her even more in "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind."
THE NOMINEES FOR BEST CINEMATOGRAPHY ARE...
And the winner is... "The Aviator"!!!
Another win for "The Aviator." I woulda liked to have seen Caleb Deschanel win for "The Passion of the Christ," if for no other reason than the fact that he's Zooey Deschanel's dad. I like Zooey Deschanel. She's cool.
Robert Richardson's speech was very sweet, by the way.
Okay, they're going to commercial and Bill Conti's orchestra is playing the music from "The Terminator." Cool!
Chris Rock is introducing the boring accountants... but they look like gangstas! HA!
Presenting an Oscar for something having to do with sound is Penelope Cruz and Salma Hayek. Now there's a team for guys to fantasize about. Once again, all the nominees are on the stage. It looks so awkward when they do that.
THE NOMINEES FOR BEST SOUND MIXING ARE...
And the winner is... "Ray"!!!
"The Aviator" loses to "Ray"! So that makes two categories that "The Aviator" has lost so far. It's not the juggernaut that "Titanic" or "The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King" ended up being.
Penelope and Salma are doing another. They look really uncomfortable together.
THE NOMINEES FOR BEST SOUND EDITING ARE...
And the winner is... "The Incredibles"!!!
I kinda think that "The Polar Express" shoulda won this one. Hey, don't play the music over that guy's speech!
Now it's just Salma Hayek on the stage as she introduces another one of the Oscar nominated songs. Ho-hum. She's translating some of the lyrics in the song that's about to be played, 'cause she feels it's really deep or something. I dunno, kinda pretentious, if you ask me. She just said it was the first Spanish language song to ever get an Oscar nomination. Interesting. The song is "Al Otro Lado Del Río" from "The Motorcycle Diaries." Antonio Banderas singing with Carlos Santana on guitar, that's pretty cool. Maybe I'm just saying that 'cause for once it's not Beyonce singing. Okay, the song's over. I didn't like it.
NATALIE PORTMAN'S ON THE STAGE!!!! She's so pretty. Too bad she didn't win for Best Supporting Actress. She looks really sexy, though. And there are all the nominees on stage again. They only do this for the awards no one really cares about. And if it's for a category that people care even less about, then the winner doesn't even get to go on stage. That's what it seems like, at least.
THE NOMINEES FOR BEST DOCUMENTARY SHORT SUBJECT ARE...
And the winner is... "Mighty Times: The Children's March"!!!
Like with the short film nominees, I haven't seen any of the films nominated. Congrats to the winners.
Heh, Chris Rock is making fun of the whole thing with the Oscar nominees gathering on the stage and the even lesser ones who stay on the floor. HA! He just said that Oprah Winfrey is so rich, John Kerry proposed to her. Classic!
And here's John Travolta. That man is too cool.
THE NOMINEES FOR BEST MUSIC SCORE ARE...
And the winner is... Jan A.P. Kaczmarek for "Finding Neverland"!!!
I guess this means that "The Passion of the Christ" won't be winning any awards tonight. I don't even remember the music from "Finding Neverland," but that's often a good thing, meaning it didn't overwhelm the film.
There's Johnny Depp again. Why is he dressed like that? Leave it to Johnny Depp to wear anything BUT a tux.
Martin Scorsese, he's the man. What's he doing on stage, though. He's talking about something... okay, some Humanitarian Award. It's being awarded to... I dunno, I didn't catch the name. Okay, Roger Mayor. He's all about making sure that people in show business have health care. He's also big on film preservation. Okay, I get it. I'm probably making it seem petty and insignificant, but I can understand his receiving the award. He seemed to really appreciate it, and it was a cool speech.
Here's Annette Bening. She's almost 50, and she's still gorgeous. I wonder if she'll actually beat Hilary Swank for Best Actress. Oh, she's there to present Yo-Yo Ma, who's gonna play the music for when they show the people in show business who died in the last year. Ronald Reagan... wow, the audience is actually applauding, despite his being a conservative Republican. There's Elmer Bernstein, Janet Leigh, Russ Meyer, Jerry Orbach, Christopher Reeve, Ossie Davis, Paul Winfield, Jerry Goldsmith, Rodney Dangerfield, Tony Randall, Marlon Brando (who got the biggest applause), and others. I only listed the ones I knew of, there were actually more. I would have typed all of the names, but I don't type that fast, so I only typed the ones I knew.
Chris Rock introduces P. Diddy as being in every music video since 1983, pretty funny. Now P. Diddy is introducing another one of the Oscar nominated songs, "Believe" from "The Polar Express," to be sung by Beyonce and Josh Groban. The song in the movie is only sung by Josh Groban, why is Beyonce there? It's like a weird joke, having her sing so many of the songs when it's clearly unnecessary. Is it an effort to make the show hip or something? That's probably it. They want high ratings and a younger demographic, so they get Chris Rock to host and have Beyonce sing just about every freakin' song. It's as if MTV produced it this year.
Jay-Z is in the audience. He's gotta keep an eye on Beyonce, I guess. Make sure she and Josh Groban don't get too frisky. I doubt he'd have to worry about her with Andrew Lloyd Webber. Okay, the song's over, and Prince presents the award for Best Song.
THE NOMINEES FOR BEST SONG IN A FILM ARE...
And the winner is... "Al Otro Lado Del Río" from "The Motorcycle Diaries"!!!
I guess this is a pretty significant win, it being the first Spanish language nomination and all. Instead of giving a normal speech, the guy is singing. He sings, and then he ends with "Ciao." Okay, that was interesting. And thankfully, short. Kinda weird, but whatever.
Sean Penn has no sense of humor. He took offense to Chris Rock making fun of Jude Law. Have a sense of humor, Sean! It's a joke! I tellya, Sean Penn is extremely talented, but he's gotta lighten up and get the stick out of his ass. The guy's just an actor, but he thinks he's the messiah. Anyway, he's presenting the Oscar for Best Actress. Will it be Hilary Swank? I hope so.
THE NOMINEES FOR BEST ACTRESS ARE...
And the winner is... Hilary Swank for "Million Dollar Baby"!!!
Annette Bening must be pissed! I'm glad Hilary Swank won, though. A great actress in a great movie. Unlike last time, she remembered to thank her husband, Chad Lowe. I really liked Kate Winslet in "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind," but Hilary Swank's performance was exceptional. You go, girl! They're playing music, trying to stop her speech. Heh, she just said no, because she still has to thank Clint. Then the music cuts her off towards the end anyway. I really hate that. With the big awards especially, let them have their time, ya know? Then again, if they let all the winners go on and on, the show wouldn't be over for another few days.
Okay, Chris Rock is back, and he made a crack about his accountants wanting to speak to Sean Penn. I don't get it.
Hey, it's Gwyneth Paltrow! She's presenting the award for Best Foreign Language Film, neither of which I'd seen. I heard a lotta good things about "The Sea Inside" and "The Chorus," though.
THE NOMINEES FOR BEST FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM ARE...
And the winner is... from Spain, "The Sea Inside"!!!
I don't really know what to say about this movie since I've never seen it, but I heard that Javier Bardem, who starred in the film, delivered an awesome performance.
Samuel L. Jackson is on the stage to present the award for Best Original Screenplay.
THE NOMINEES FOR BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY ARE...
And the winner is... Charlie Kaufman, Pierre Bismuth, Michel Gondry for "Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind"!!!
Wow, that shocks me. I didn't expect that movie to win! It's a great movie, but it's also very unconventional, and I didn't think it would win an Oscar. A Charlie Kaufman script winning an Oscar, very cool.
Charlize Theron... whoa, she's hot. It still amazes me that this statuesque beauty is the same person who looked like ugly trailer trash (not to mention serial killer) in "Monster."
THE NOMINEES FOR BEST ACTOR ARE...
And the winner is... Jamie Foxx for "Ray"!!!
There it is. He truly deserved to win, I'm glad to see him get it. Standing ovation for Jamie Foxx. If the music plays during his speech, I'm gonna be annoyed. He's talking about his grandmother, which got him choked up during his Golden Globe acceptance speech. Yep, he's getting choked up again, and I doubt the music will be interrupting him. What a great speech. Jamie Foxx is awesome.
Julia Roberts takes the stage, and her boobies look a lot bigger. I don't think they're implants, though, I think they're from her having given birth to twins recently.
THE NOMINEES FOR BEST DIRECTOR ARE...
And the winner is... Clint Eastwood for "Million Dollar Baby"!!!
Holy shit! Look, I loved "Million Dollar Baby," but dammit, when is Martin Scorsese gonna win that Oscar for Best Director? Wow, Clint Eastwood's 96 year old mother is there! He seems very gracious, and "Million Dollar Baby" IS an awesome movie, but Scorsese needs to get his Best Director Oscar, dammit!
Dustin Hoffman and Barbra Streisand are there to present the Oscar for Best Picture. The Fockers presenting the Best Picture Oscar? Kinda wacky. Is it just me, or does Dustin Hoffman seem drunk? His words seem very slurred. Is it nerves?
THE NOMINEES FOR BEST PICTURE ARE...
And the winner is... "Million Dollar Baby"!!!
Best Picture of the year is "Million Dollar Baby." I'm glad, it's an excellent movie. "The Aviator" won a lotta the lesser awards, but for the biggies, "Million Dollar Baby" won. Six months ago, the talk of the town was that "The Aviator" would be the big Oscar winner, especially for Best Director and Best Picture. Then outta nowhere came "Million Dollar Baby."
And with Chris Rock's yell for "BROOKLYN!!!," the show is over. It ended just before 11:45PM (EST), which is pretty good for the Oscars.
The music from "The Terminator" is playing again as the credits roll. Has it been playing all night? Was that the theme of the Oscars this year?
Okay, now that the show is over, I think I can say that it was pretty good. I'm not sure I like the thing with the nominees of lesser categories gathering on the stage, and I'm even more ambivalent about the ones on the floor, but I can see how it saved time. As for Chris Rock, I thought he was great. This was his first time doing what could possibly be considered the toughest gig there is, and I think he did a great job. I just don't think that the Hollywood elite that filled the auditorium would agree with me, especially Sean Penn.
It was great to see Morgan Freeman win, it was great to see Hilary Swank win, and of course, it was great to see Jamie Foxx win. However, I really wish Martin Scorsese won for "The Aviator." I do think that "Million Dollar Baby" is a better movie (though I like "The Aviator" a lot), but considering Martin Scorsese's body of work, I really think he should have won. I can't complain that Clint Eastwood won, though, because I really love "Million Dollar Baby," and I'm glad that it won Best Picture.
So that's it, folks. I hope you liked my new method of writing my annual Oscar commentary. Please let me know what you think of it. Should I go back to my original way of writing my Oscar commentary? Do you prefer this new way of doing it? Are you indifferent? Do you think I should stop writing the annual Oscar commentaries altogether? Please let me know. Contact me at joey@joeythefilmgeek.com to let me know how you feel about it.